To Those Trying to Find Their Place in the World

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For me, writing is a way of getting things out of my head, whether it ever gets read again or not is irrelevant. I
findclarity in releasing these thoughts into the universe, and sometimes in re-reading them I learn a lot about myself
and can see the subject or situation through a different lens. I admire those who do the same and share these thoughts
with the world. This is the most powerful form of inspiration in my eyes...a direct understanding with another person, who
you may never know, but who provides an assurance that we are not alone in this whole thing. We're all going through
our own shit, and sharing these feelings and experiences as we try and find our place, no matter who or where we are,
can be a helping hand to others going through something similar. Thanks again for sharing Heather. Read the last
feature Heather shared with us, Ken's Day, and check out more of her writings on life, adventure, and green
living on her blog Have a story to share? Reach out to me and let's talk


"Maybe the journey isn’t so much about becoming anything. Maybe it’s about un-becoming everything that isn’t really you, so you can be who you were meant to be in the first place.” —Paulo Coelho


Religion, sex, marriage, sexuality, politics, equality rights, protests, money, health, debt and schooling…

These are all things that are happening in the world around us, and things that some of us deal with on a daily basis.

Having to juggle it all while still trying to figure out who you are, as society continues to tell you what’s right or wrong and where you should be at this point in your life; telling you that you’re fucked if you don’t have kids by the time you’re 30, that you should be married before you have children, that you should be climbing the corporate ladder by a certain age, that you should graduate high school then go to college to get a job that makes you lots of money (because fuck doing what you’re passionate about right?)

We have grandparents, parents, aunts, and uncles that are pissed off because we’re not doing things the way they’re used to…and we’ll do the same to our future kids, grandkids, nieces and nephews since the world is evolving so quickly.

And friends that don’t understand why you’ve dropped off the face of the Earth or won’t come to any social outings.

Pinterest boards full of self help articles and spiritual guides, workout routines, tips on meditation and yoga…all that we “pin for later,” then never read. Or maybe we do read them and they inspire us to look at life a little different. Sometimes it sticks for a few days, then after those days have passed, we start the cycle all over again, where we’re still questioning the meaning of life and who we are.

Some cut social media out of their life completely, for weeks at a time to go on a self love/spiritual journey, and some of us keep social media close by to find inspiration and support.

Trying to find your place in this world is no easy task my friends. When, “hermit mode” or “I’m going to just build a blanket fort and hide in there for the rest of my life whilst trying to figure out who the hell I am and where I’m supposed to be in life” is all too real.

I understand that different parts of the country, or even different parts of the world, have different issues and, ‘society standards,’ but if you sit back and think about it, it doesn’t matter where you come from…if you’re struggling to find your place in the world, it’s a battle we’re all fighting together.

If you clicked on this to find guidance or answers, I’m sorry, but I don’t have any of those things for you. I don’t even think that any one person will ever have the, ‘right answers,’ or solutions. I do know that being on this journey can sometimes be especially hard when you feel like you’re the only one. I’m here to tell you that you’re not the only one. In fact, a lot of people that we see on social media day to day may be on this crazy train with us (myself included.) People that look like they have their shit together makes you question your life even more.

But what we put out to the world isn’t always what it seems. I read a quote on my friend Chloe’s Instagram that really got me thinking…

What may seem like sunshine and rainbows on Instagram isn’t always the full story. On my Instagram, you see pictures of our animals, adventures, makeup and hair done with cute outfits…and while some may think this is how my life is on the reg, the truth is, I’m over here dealing with some major health issues, trying to find a doctor that will see me without health insurance, depression, severe anxiety, and living in a house with someone who is emotionally abusive (an elderly person to boot)…a very toxic situation that’s affecting my health in a negative way, and struggling to get out of it.

Most days I fall asleep dreading waking up to another day. It takes everything I have to get my ass in the shower and put on regular clothes…90% of the time I stay in my sweats and a hoodie with unbrushed hair and no makeup.

When you see adventure pictures on my feed, that means I was lucky enough to not feel sick for a few hours or that my anxiety wasn’t hitting me as hard that day.

My birthday, for example, was on February 26th. I woke up that day excited to celebrate another year of life. We had plans to go to my mom’s place for a night of games, amazing food, and my favorite cupcakes. I got ready, did my hair and makeup, put on a cute outfit, and I was looking forward to our day. Once we got to my mom’s house around 3pm, this is how it went…

I was miserably sick. I felt amazing the whole day, then BAM! Next thing I know I’m drinking peppermint tea and sleeping on the recliner hardly able to move. I didn’t get to enjoy my favorite dinner and cupcakes that my mom made for my birthday, and we didn’t get to have a fun night full of games and laughter like I had hoped.

I used to be the one that friends would reach out to when they were going through a hard time to receive positivity, support, and advice, but as of recently, I had to be completely honest with a friend and tell them I couldn’t help. Who am I to give advice on how to get through a tough time when I’m over here struggling to make it through the day?

A high school friend of mine was sending me old photos of us from the early 2000’s a couple months back, and with those photos she said, “I remember you were SO confident. So sure of everything. I envied the shit out of you.” I couldn’t help but think, “WHAT?! Who is this person and where has she gone?” Then the, “Who have I become? What have I done with my life? How do I find my happiness and self love again?” thoughts start pouring in.

While I’m sure the situation we’re in with above mentioned emotional abuser surely doesn’t help me on this path of trying to find my place in the world, I continue to try and figure it all out anyways.

I’m almost 30 years old, and according to society’s standards, I’m basically a failure. Thankfully, a lot of things are changing, and the generations below me are changing some ways of life. A lot of people that are older than me (parents, grandparents, aunts, and uncles) don’t understand why you’d want to pursue entrepreneurship. Hell, I’ve been told WAY too many times, “You’re so smart! Go to college and get a good job!” but my creative brain wants to write and make videos and start a clothing company one day.

People pick at us because the way we live isn’t, “normal.” I hate cooking, so my fiance Talon is the one who makes meals. We eat organic food and we use toxic free everything.

Hearing things like, “cooking and cleaning is the woman’s job…he shouldn’t have to come home and cook after a long day at work.” For some reason it’s hard for someone to grasp that fact that Talon knows he doesn’t HAVE to do the cooking, he WANTS to! He enjoys it! We share the responsibility of chores, and we’re happy with the way we do things.

I’ve even been called out for something because, “Doesn’t that completely go against everything you believe in?” on a topic I’ve never even discussed before. I’m being labeled as a hippie because of what people see me as on social media, and then I’m reprimanded or frowned upon when I post a picture of me shooting a gun in the desert, riding a dirt bike, or going back to eating meat. At this point I’ll say…STOP JUDGING PEOPLE!!! STOP LABELING PEOPLE!!! It’s because of labeling and assuming that fucks people up. I’m not going to stop shooting guns and riding dirt bikes because that’s who people think I am…that’s the label you put on me, remember that.

And we wonder why it’s so hard to find our place in the world when we’re constantly being pulled in different directions. We live on a giant floating ball in the middle of the universe that’s run by cell phones, social media, and negative news headlines. At age 30 I struggle to have a phone or in person conversation like a normal human being because I’m so used to texting. Social anxiety is a real thing.

It really puts things into perspective when you look back and remember the social butterfly you used to be before cell phones were the life of the party. Now thinking of going to a party or gathering makes your brain say, “NOPE! Hell no!”

I was raised Christian. My family didn’t go to church every Sunday but, “say your prayers,” and, “good night God bless you I love you,” were things I heard every night before bed. I went to church camp a few times in junior high, but at that age, I was more interested in making out with boys than I was religion. Do I still believe in God? Sure. But this is the part where I lose people for some reason…I start to think about the bigger picture. If God was a man, who created him? When this topic comes up in a conversation, sometimes I’d rather bang my head against a brick wall. Which is really where I start to question the spiritual parts of my life and feeling a bit lost. Usually I just avoid the topic, and to be honest, I was nervous to even write this paragraph.

Anyway, if you couldn’t tell from my bouncing around from one thing to the next in this post that’s now a novel, it’s clear that my mind is full of thoughts on this subject of trying to find your place in the world. I hope it wasn’t too hard to follow, and I hope some, if not all of you can relate to this in some way.

To those of you trying to find your place in the world…I feel you, I know you, I hear you, I see you. Know that you’re not alone…I’m right there beside you.